


oh, my darling

by starlightwalking



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: F/F, Falling In Love, Finwëan Ladies Week 2019, Lesbian Character, Pining, Re-embodied elves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-11-02 10:03:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20708267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlightwalking/pseuds/starlightwalking
Summary: Elenwë realizes - too late -  that Amarië's love for her is different than she first thought. Or is it too late...?





	oh, my darling

**Author's Note:**

> This is sad and then sappy and full of tropes all the way through - I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it! Written for FLW Day 5: Ladies Who Married In.  
[FYI: this story features a brief mention of my Turgon/Finrod ship]

"Dance with him," Elenwë urged, nudging Amarië toward Findaráto. "Come, I know you think him lovely. It's the Vanya in him!"

Amarië gave Elenwë a look she did not understand. "Darling, why didn't you marry him instead of Turukáno, if you are so taken by his prettiness?"

Elenwë laughed. "You are such a tease," she said, fondly leaning on her best friend's shoulder. "Thank you for being here today, Amarië."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," Amarië said softly. Elenwë felt the warmth of her love as strong as she could feel her new husband's—ai, she was blessed to have a friend so dear!

"Please, give him a chance," Elenwë insisted. "Findaráto really is a lovely gentleman; he is Turno's closest friend. Who knows, if you marry him, you could be family to me!"

Amarië smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. In her joy, Elenwë barely noticed, so happy was she on her wedding day. "Elenwë, you are already my darling," she said. "I don't need a man to prove it."

"For me?" Elenwë fluttered her lashes. "Come now, Amarië, it's my wedding day! Humor me—you are so melancholy for some reason. I want to see you smiling, and dancing with a pretty boy is the fastest way to happiness!"

"Very well, for your sake," Amarië sighed. The ghost of a smirk danced across her lips. "I would do anything for you, darling."

On impulse, Elenwë leaned forward and gave Amarië a swift kiss on the cheek. "Be joyful," she murmured. "This is a happy day."

"Elenwë?" called Turukáno. "Will you dance with me again?"

"Of course!" she cried, rushing over to her husband. His arms were warm and comforting and strong, and her heart swelled as he lifted her in the air.

So distracted as she was by her wonderful man, Elenwë did not notice Amarië's frozen figure, staring at her with a longing barely disguised. Even when Amarië melted into the crowd of twirling bodies, asking Findaráto to dance at long last, Elenwë was oblivious to her lack of enthusiasm. She only saw the two of them hand in hand, and failed to notice that both looked far too morose for a such a joyous occasion.

* * *

Amarië was the one who waited for her when she awoke. She lay naked on the ground, shivering from the cold of the Ice that yet pierced her fëa, wondering if she had made the right decision to return to life.

And then Amarië touched her arm, and Elenwë's doubts faded away.

"Darling," she said, her voice soft and low. "Welcome home."

Elenwë stared up at her friend, overwhelmed. Amarië was lovely, as she always had been, but a new sadness lined her eyes that lent maturity to her beauty.

"Amarië," she breathed. "How...how did you know to be here?"

"I come here every day," Amarië answered. "Waiting for you."

"Oh." The heat of her stare made Elenwë shiver, and suddenly she was aware of her own nudity, and she flushed in shame; no one but Turukáno had seen her laid so bare. And yet...something about the tenderness with which Amarië looked at her, as if she had eyes only for her, warmed the chill within Elenwë's spirit.

Amarië laughed then, her golden braids shaking as a smile split her face. "I'm teasing. Irmo sent me a dream. Here, I brought you some clothes."

She offered Elenwë a shift, and she gratefully slipped into the simple dress. She fumbled with the laces, glancing over her shoulder at Amarië. "Help me out?" she said shyly.

Amarië stiffened for a brief moment, and Elenwë cursed her forwardness. But then that dazzling smile was back, and Amarië's fingers ghosted across her bare back.

"Oh, my darling," Amarië murmured. "How I've missed you."

Her dress tied, Elenwë turned to face her friend. "I missed you, too," she said, bowing her head. "I was—I was a fool to follow Turukáno." She shivered. "But he was my husband, and Itarillë so wished to see the wide world..."

"Elenwë, what happened to you?" Amarië asked in concern. "These past few years, folks have trickled out of the halls, speaking of dreadful things... The Kinslaying was bad enough, but there are tales of the Ice, of monsters and fire and blood..."

"I fell," she replied, clutching her arms close to her chest. "Into the waters, with Itarillë on my back... Turno could only save one of us."

"And he chose her," Amarië finished.

"I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if she had perished," Elenwë said. "He made the right choice. But..."

Amarië slid behind her, holding her close, and Elenwë leaned into her arms, basking in her warmth. "It hurts to be abandoned," she said. "It hurts to know he watched you drown, when he could have saved you."

"It wasn't..." But Amarië was right. Elenwë did not blame her husband, but something in her heart had changed.

"I know, darling," Amarië whispered into her ear. "I know."

* * *

"Do you miss him?" Elenwë asked.

Amarië looked up from her drawing. "Miss who?"

"Findaráto."

Amarië sighed. She set down her quill and leaned back, looking up into the clear blue sky.

"Of course I do," she said. Elenwë fought back a pang of jealousy; she knew it had been too much to hope that Amarië's love for Findaráto had waned even as her own love for Amarië had grown. "He knew me better than anyone. Even better than you, in a way."

"I thought so," Elenwë murmured. "I know you were broken that you could not follow him, when I could follow my love. It's not fair...we all knew you would have been wed, if you'd had the chance."

"Perhaps," Amarië said. "But Elenwë, darling...I think you are missing my meaning."

Elenwë looked to her, and realized that Amarië was staring at her in that way she had, the way she'd always had trouble reading. "What are you talking about?"

"Findaráto and I may have been wed, yes, but only because we were neither of us in love with each other." Amarië spoke the words like they were an explanation, but Elenwë was only more lost. What on earth did she mean?

"Findaráto never looked to maidens," Amarië said with a little laugh. "Nor I to men. Surely you knew this, darling."

"I...had my suspicions," Elenwë admitted. "Turukáno wondered about him. But...you, also?"

She shrugged. "We were a convenient excuse for each other. Especially considering the situation in which our friendship began."

"My wedding," Elenwë remembered. "You were so sad, for some reason...but you cheered up after dancing with him, did you not?"

"I cheered up after meeting a kindred spirit," Amarië corrected. "He, too, was in love with someone who from that day forth was bound to another."

"He—what?" Elenwë could barely believe her ears. "You mean...my Turno?"

"Who else?" Amarië laughed bitterly. "We were fated to be friends."

"But—surely _you_..." Elenwë's heart pounded. "You were not in love with..."

Amarië gave her that look again, and at last Elenwë understood it. It was the look of a woman in love with her dearest friend, her _darling_, who had for so long been oblivious, who had dashed her chances and broken her heart.

"You," Amarië admitted. "But then you left, and he left with you, and I could not follow. Yes, of course I miss the only man who knew the truth of my heart. But I missed the woman who _held_ my heart even more."

"Oh, Amarië..." Elenwë wept, reaching forward, but Amarië leaned away.

"Now that you know, do not toy with me," Amarië said, her face dark with shame. "You are still my dearest friend. You have always been my darling. But do not hurt me at my weakest."

"I would never," Elenwë murmured, and she touched Amarië's cheek, turning her tear-streaked face. "Amarië, I love you."

"But?" Amarië challenged, sticking her chin out.

"There is no but," Elenwë said. She leaned forward, closing the distance between them with a kiss, and Amarië let out a squeak of surprise before melting into Elenwë's arms.

Amarië kissed her hungrily, her lips warm and soft and needy. Elenwë could feel the tension in her every movement; she had wanted this for years uncounted, and she feared even now that the moment would shatter and Elenwë would break their kiss with a cruel laugh. Her fëa blazed with warmth, her fear and want bleeding into Elenwë's own spirit.

But Elenwë meant every kiss, every caress as she drew Amarië closer to her. Time had changed her, and she saw goodness and beauty in Amarië's every curve. Elenwë kissed her through her tears, murmuring promises, assurances, words of endless love.

"You are _my_ darling," Elenwë said, "and I love you, Amarië."

"But Turno—" Amarië choked out. "And your daughter— And—"

"They are gone, and I am here," Elenwë said. There would be time for guilt, and sorting out her feelings, and every complicated thing. There would be time for it all, but that time was not now. "_You_ are here. And I love you."

There would be time. But for now, Elenwë wanted to lose herself in Amarië, and in the way she laughed through their kisses she could tell Amarië felt the same.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to know about how Turgon is dealing with Elenwë's death, I imagine [this fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19946263/) taking place in the same universe as this one!
> 
> Thanks for reading and commenting!  
You can find me on tumblr [@arofili](http://arofili.tumblr.com/), and check out the [Finwëan Ladies Week blog](http://finweanladiesweek.tumblr.com/) too!


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